How do you keep your mom or dad safe in a memory care community or assisted living? A retired cop moved into my mother-in-law’s memory care community and has been demonstrating sexual and violent aggression against her, other residents, and staff. This is what my family is facing now. Read about the incidents in, “Violence in Memory Care,” HERE.
This is a list of whom we have emphatically voiced our concerns:
- Caregivers
- The nurse
- The Administrator
- Two ombudsmen
- The State of Washington (surveyors of licensed assisted living)
- Adult Protective Services
Our family requested a care conference to discuss the safety of my mother-in-law, Amy. Two ombudsmen, the administrator, three adult children and myself attended it. It was the worst care conference that I have ever experienced in my 17 years working as a professional in senior living. On a personal level, I have attended numerous care conferences for nine years as an advocate for my own mother who had dementia. There is always a conclusion at the end of the care conference that provides some sense of hope for improving care or concerns.
Why was this care conference so bad?
The administrator would only talk about Amy. She refused to discuss Amy’s safety in regards to the aggressive cop, because of HIPPA. She refused to share any measures or policies that the staff was following for Amy’s safety. Are you kidding me? I specifically asked, “What are you doing to protect her?” She said that she could not answer that question and kept talking in circles.
The ombudsmen were no help either. They said they could only discuss Amy because we gave them permission to do so. They could not discuss any other residents or the aggressive retired cop because they had not been given permission to do so. Nobody would address the elephant in the room, which was an aggressive retired cop with dementia preying on vulnerable residents.
What about Amy’s safety? What about the other residents’ safety?
The state did a surprise visit to the memory care community last week and said there are no new violations. This community is in a rural part of Washington State. There is not another community in the local area.
Any advice from senior living professionals? What else can we do?
Tip: For adult children looking for memory care or assisted living. Interview the administrator, before you move your parent into the community. Find out how long they have worked there. We did this and the answer was two years. Life was good for Amy until this experienced administrator moved on.
Diane Masson is a senior living expert who has authored two 5-star rated books. Her new book is an all-encompassing answer guide for seniors called, “Your Senior Housing Options,” designed to help seniors navigate choices quickly. The second book was written for senior living professionals called, “Senior Housing Marketing – How To Increase Your Occupancy and Stay Full.” Reach out to her through her website: Tips2Seniors.com and read the weekly blog.
Hi Diane,
I just tried to reply to your comments on Sexual aggression in Nursing Homes, but for some reason the system would not accept my comments. Here they are. Diane, This is indeed a very important issue, both in general and for your mom’s safety. Is there any way you could contact the family of the other resident (the retired policeman)? Could/would they possibly join you in meetings with the Admin or at least give permission for their family member to be directly discussed in future meetings you have. Or would that potentially open you up to litigation of harassment. Is it possible for you to lay charges against the facility or does someone have to be injured (or killed) first? Is there any movement toward a form of sexual predator watch list, just as there is within the community? I think this is an issue that legislators need to become aware of and address. Are there any harassment or violence type laws in the State in general, and if so, could they be used to take this discussion to another level? Are there any small 2-4 bed private facilities that your mom could move into, that could provide her quality care and enable you to have better relations with the management. Sorry that this is just a list of questions but maybe one of them will help you to see another avenue to trod down. Ruth Clark
Great questions Ruth! If a regular man exposed himself in public or aggressive grabbed multiple senior residents – they would be arrested. If someone with dementia does it – different story. We apparently agreed to it upon admission. It is called “Informed Consent.”
Diane, This is indeed a very important issue, both in general and for your mom’s safety. Is there any way you could contact the family of the other resident (the retired policeman)? Could/would they possibly join you in meetings with the Admin or at least give permission for their family member to be directly discussed in future meetings you have. Or would that potentially open you up to litigation of harassment. Is it possible for you to lay charges against the facility or does someone have to be injured (or killed) first?
Is there any movement toward a form of sexual predator watch list, just as there is within the community? I think this is an issue that legislators need to become aware of and address. Are there any harassment or violence type laws in the State in general, and if so, could they be used to take this discussion to another level?
Are there any small 2-4 bed private facilities that your mom could move into, that could provide her quality care and enable you to have better relations with the management.
Sorry that this is just a list of questions but maybe one of them will help you to see another avenue to trod down.
Ruth Clark
Hi Ruth, I am glad you finally got it posted. My reply is above.
I live in Québec Canada where I’m running into privacy issues from a different angle. It seems to me that privacy regulations that seem to be intended to protect people are in fact harming people under certain circumstances.
on the other hand, having been in a situation where my mother was accused of being “violent” with staff and residents for issues that were actually caused by the environment and the way care was delivered at the facility, I have sympathy for the former police officer, whose circumstances we don’t really know about. It may be that like my mother, his behavior is caused by factors other than the disease. I understand that doesn’t help Amy. the situation seems to require a systemic approach, which appears to be unlikely given what you say about the administrators who are involved.
I agree with Ruth; I think you should try to contact the family of the former police officer.
Thanks Susan. What would you say if we happen to run into them visiting the former cop while we are visiting? That’s a tough one.
Hipaa is the pendulum that has swung too far. When privacy concerns supersede safety concerns, one has to rethink the regulations. Probably not going to happen, as legislators have no clue. The issue in this case is what actions have been taken to mitigate & control the behavior of the aggressive resident, not how to protect Amy.
Although, a bit radical, it would not be unreasonable to have both families sign Hipaa releases, whereupon a meeting may be held be both parties. Should the family of the police officer refuse to sign, it may be possible to file a police report.
Finally, all complaints should be in writing, sent by certified mail, return receipt requested, to show a clear path. Unfortunately, in cases such as this, the answer may very well be legal action. Finally, moving Amy may be the only guarantee of her safety under these circumstances.
Sadly. It sounds as though the problem resident has a type of illness that affects his frontal lobes and this makes him a bad co-resident in the care facility. In the UK there are a few units that specialize in caring for such patients. People with fronto-temporal dementia, some cases of MS and those with Huntington’s disease may not be appropriate co-residents for Alzheimer’s patients. Dealing with frontal cases needs very different skills from “garden variety” dementia care. It is a very tough job!! Is there any way that a more appropriate facility — with specialist staff — can be resourced for him?