A senior can easily become overly dependent on a caregiver. A helpless 92-year-old senior woman, who is recovering from a surgery, can suddenly become isolated in her own home and becomes reliant on her new around-the-clock caregiver.
In memory care communities, seniors with dementia rely on the loving support from their caregivers or fellow residents. Joyful smiles, from a dementia resident, may only be reserved for those who see them daily. Sometimes a wife learns that her husband in memory care has decided to marry his “friend.” The “friend” might be a caregiver 50 years younger or another resident.
“Dear Abby,” recently published a letter from a man in his late 60’s. He wanted to marry a 28-year-old woman with three children. His question for “Dear Abby” was should he do it? She suggested a prenuptial agreement.
A frail senior man moved into a residential board and care home to recover from a hospitalization. His wife was optimistic about his ability to recover and return home. Her other wish was to have him improve enough to move into a Continuing Care Retirement Community with her. Unfortunately, the caregiver at the board and care home did everything for the husband. The wife begged for them to help her husband recuperate, by letting him dress himself, strengthen his legs by standing up, improve his endurance by walking around the home and etc. Instead the caregivers continued to make him 100% dependent on them, so he grew weaker and wheelchair bound. Now this couple (married for 60 years) will not be able to live together again.
Unlicensed home care workers (fly-by-night) can take over the finances of seniors while they sleep. This happened to one of my neighbors. She became a prisoner of her own home. The OC Register newspaper recently published an article about a senior who signed over her home to the caregiver who had lived with her for less than 90 days. She died with no children. The caregiver is still living in her home.
As humans we crave love and companionship. We need relationships in our lives. An isolated frail senior can easily become beholden to the one person who is sustaining their existence.
What have you seen or experienced?
Do you know a senior that is struggling? Diane Masson’s new book can help walk you or them through, “Your Senior Housing Options.” Diane has helped educate thousands of seniors in her career and shares weekly real life stories like this one. Join her blog at Tips2Seniors.com or follow her on Facebook at Tips2Seniors.
Would you build a chicken coop to have a senior move into your retirement community? Are chickens even allowed? What would your senior living community promise in order for a senior to move in? How many cats does your retirement community allow per senior resident? Would you increase it? Are you willing to take on two 100-gallon tanks of fish? One fish tank contains large koi and the other fresh water bala sharks.
“I still have my wits about me and don’t want to leave my animals,” said a prospective senior resident. “The administrator has promised me that he will take all my pets and if I pass away, he will let all of my precious chickens live with him at his home. He loves my chickens.”
This senior is waiting for a two-bedroom apartment to become available, but she has still not decided to actually move. Her family and friends (I am one of them) have been encouraging her to make a move for two years. She currently lives alone in a two-story home with a caregiver who helps several days a week.
One of the two fish tanks!
Who knows how many years my senior friend has left? I don’t know. What I do know is that my friend would thrive in a retirement community with live music and weekly entertainment. She used to be very active with dozens of friends and now she is isolated in her home with early dementia and a lack of mobility. My senior friend comes to life over a lunch or dinner conversation. I told her that she could have social connectivity everyday if she moved into a retirement community.
In my entire career, I have never heard of a senior living community accepting all the animals that my senior friend currently loves. Never have I ever heard of senior moving into a community with chickens. Have you? Would you allow any or all of my friend’s animals? I personally think she should jump on the offer and told her so. She is still deciding…Would you build a chicken coop to get a sale?
Do you know a senior that is struggling? Diane Masson’s new book can help walk you or them through, “Your Senior Housing Options.” Diane has helped educate thousands of seniors in her career and shares weekly real life stories like this one. Join her blog at Tips2Seniors.com or follow her on Facebook at Tips2Seniors.
Discover key differences between rental facilities versus Continuing Care Retirement Communities. Do you have enough financial resources if you need to be in a higher level of care for an extended period of time? Always consider your future health care needs today. Who will provide your care and at what cost? Do you want 100% responsibility for your future health care costs or do you want to share the risk with a Continuing Care Retirement Community? Author, Diane Masson, shares her insights from her new book, “Your Senior Housing Options.” Enjoy my TV interview below and for weekly tips join at: Www.Tips2Seniors.com
Your Senior Housing Options,”has a simplistic title, but what’s inside this new book can save a you months of research time. Hear Diane Masson’s interviewof how her mother and in-law’s faced the pivotal decision to plan ahead or wait until a crisis. Learn the pitfalls from transitioning from your home to senior housing. Understand what questions to ask, insider tips and dirty secrets revealed. For weekly tips join at: Www.Tips2Seniors.com
Diane Masson has worked in senior housing for 17 years and is the regional marketing director for two debt-free Continuing Care Retirement Communities in Southern CA (Freedom Village in Lake Forest and The Village in Hemet). Her first book “Senior Housing Marketing – How to Increase Your Occupancy and Stay Full,” is being utilized by senior housing professionals across the country. Both her first book and second book, “Your Senior Housing Options,” have a 5-star rating on Amazon.com.
I asked the same question to four memory care communities that were licensed as assisted living. The responses might surprise you and help you determine where to place your own mom or dad.
What happens if my mother-in-law wakes up disoriented at 2:00 AM and gets up to find the bathroom? Then she falls…
Memory Care Community A – “When we find her, a med tech would evaluate her. If she hit her head or something major happened, then 911 is called. My husband asked about the med tech training. Is it like an emergency medical technician (EMT) with a minimum of 140 hours of medical training? She said, “No, it is like a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant). There are specific criteria that they are trained on.”
Does someone go with the dementia resident if they go out 911? No!
Diane’s opinion: In my experience, no CNA has the medical expertise to make a judgment call on a fall. My mother’s assisted living community always sent my mom out 911 from a fall in the middle of the night. It happened five times. It was highly traumatic for her. When someone arrives at the emergency room with dementia, it is scary and confusing. It would disorient her for days after each traumatic adventure.
Memory Care Community B – “We have certain guidelines to know when to call 911. In the past month we have had two seniors go out 911. Eighty percent of the time falls do not require 911. We would call the family to meet the senior at the hospital.”
Does someone go with the dementia resident if they go out 911? No!
Diane’s opinion: Some assisted living communities ship senior residents out by 911 because they don’t want liability of a mistake. The pattern I am noticing is that if a community is licensed as an assisted living (board and care) and they do not have a 24-hour nurse, they get shipped out by 911 after a fall during the night.
Memory Care Community C – “If she got up at 2:00 AM, the motion sensors go off and a care manager goes into her room immediately. There are two care managers and a nurse. She will be assessed. If she is okay they will try to help her complete what she was trying to do initially, like going to the bathroom. If the fall is major, then the care manager will go to the hospital with them. If it is not major, she will be continually monitored every 15 minutes.”
Does someone go with the dementia resident if they go out 911? Yes!
Diane’s Opinion: This was the most impressive answer I received to my question. This community had a nurse on staff 24-7 and was priced at the high end of memory care communities. Bad news: My mother-in-law lived at this memory care community and fell. The answer they gave above does not match the reality of what happened. My mother-in-law was found on the floor beside her bed for an undetermined amount of time. Fortunately, she did not have to go out 911.
Memory Care Community D – “A motion sensor goes off, we assess her, and the nurse can be called. We are hesitant to send them out 911 unless absolutely necessary. We do send them out if they have had a head injury. Some places just call 911 but it is too hard on the families. A staff member will go with them to the emergency room.”
Does someone go with the dementia resident if they go out 911? Yes!
Diane’s Opinion: This memory care community had a nurse 14 hours a day. The longer they have a nurse on staff in a 24-hour period of time the more likely they have enough staffing to accompany a resident to the emergency room. Good news: My mother-in-law lived at this memory care community too. She fell and they did accompany her out 911 on several occasions. Thank you!
What Happens When a Senior Falls at 2:00 AM in Assisted Living?
This is a vital question that you need to ask in order to evaluate and choose an assisted living or memory care community for your loved one. Be proactive. Be an advocate. When someone has dementia it is very difficult for them if you pull them out of their normal routine, it can mess them up for days or weeks depending upon the severity of his or her dementia. Assisted living and memory care communities should not send out a dementia resident without accompaniment. My poor mother was always terrified and disoriented at the emergency room.
What has been your experience?
Your Senior Housing Options,”has a simplistic title, but what’s inside this new book can save a you months of research time. Hear Diane Masson’s interviewof how her mother and in-law’s faced the pivotal decision to plan ahead or wait until a crisis. Learn the pitfalls from transitioning from your home to senior housing. Understand what questions to ask, insider tips and dirty secrets revealed. The decision to stay home requires caregivers. Prevent elder abuse by determining if a home care agency is reputable, before they move into your home. You are just not looking for today’s needs, but for your future care. Discover key differences between rental facilities vs Continuing Care Retirement Communities. Do you have enough financial resources if you need to be in a higher level of care for an extended period of time? For weekly tips join at: Www.Tips2Seniors.com
Diane Masson has worked in senior housing for 17 years and is the regional marketing director for two debt-free Continuing Care Retirement Communities in Southern CA (Freedom Village in Lake Forest and The Village in Hemet). Her first book “Senior Housing Marketing – How to Increase Your Occupancy and Stay Full,” is being utilized by senior housing professionals across the country. Both her first book and second book, “Your Senior Housing Options,” have a 5-star rating on Amazon.com.
My seatmate flying up to Seattle shared that his mom can no longer prepare her own meals. She was diagnosed with Parkinson’s about one year ago. She is currently living in Washington State and can no longer drive. The local family needs to bring her meals to sustain her.
Is it fair to rely on your family to keep you at home?
The mom refused to move to California to live with one of her sons. He specifically bought a home with a “mother-in-law apartment” for her. But she did not want to leave her home or local friends.
Another adult child comes monthly to take her to doctor appointments. My seatmate, her son, visits her about every six months because he lives 1000 miles away.
The family is getting together from all over the country to celebrate her milestone birthday. They are going to discuss future care options, because she is not safe living alone.
I suggested he read my new book to help him with his dilemma. He learned that the assisted living community under consideration is about $5,000 a month. He didn’t know that transitioning to skilled nursing care at some point could cost the family around $90,000 a year on a national basis. The family figured all the children could chip in to support mom to live in a higher level of care. So they want to check out her possible VA Benefits as the spouse of a deceased Veteran. So I shared with him that for VA Benefits to begin, three keys need to happen:
The mom needs to spend down her assets.
She will require a certain amount of care dictated by the VA. (These are called ADLS or activities of daily living. Such care includes: bathing, dressing, three meals a day, transportation assistance, medication management and etc.)
She or her spouse will have needed to serve during one day of active war.
A Veteran gets about $2,000 a month and a spouse gets approximately half of that. The paperwork is complicated, so it is best to have someone who specializes in VA Benefits fill out the paperwork.
His mom still has a house to sell. Some assisted living communities who offer Medicaid require a senior to private pay for a year or two before needing Medicaid. So I suggested the family plan ahead now while she still has a house to sell. Then when she runs out of money, she could be at a community that will transition her onto Medicaid.
Some states like California do not offer Medicaid assistance to those needing assisted living. It is important to plan ahead now.
Your Senior Housing Options,”has a simplistic title, but what’s inside this new book can save a you months of research time. Hear Diane Masson’s interviewof how her mother and in-law’s faced the pivotal decision to plan ahead or wait until a crisis. Learn the pitfalls from transitioning from your home to senior housing. Understand what questions to ask, insider tips and dirty secrets revealed. The decision to stay home requires caregivers. Prevent elder abuse by determining if a home care agency is reputable, before they move into your home. You are just not looking for today’s needs, but for your future care. Discover key differences between rental facilities vs Continuing Care Retirement Communities. Do you have enough financial resources if you need to be in a higher level of care for an extended period of time? For weekly tips join at: Www.Tips2Seniors.com
Diane Masson has worked in senior housing for 17 years and is the regional marketing director for two debt-free Continuing Care Retirement Communities in Southern CA (Freedom Village in Lake Forest and The Village in Hemet). Her first book “Senior Housing Marketing – How to Increase Your Occupancy and Stay Full,” is being utilized by senior housing professionals across the country. Both her first book and second book, “Your Senior Housing Options,” have a 5-star rating on Amazon.com.
A senior can easily become overly dependent on a caregiver. A helpless 92-year-old senior woman, who is recovering from a surgery, can suddenly become isolated in her own home and becomes reliant on her new around-the-clock caregiver.
