Welcome to Tips 2 Seniors. My name is Diane Masson and this site is for Seniors surfing the Silver Tsunami…
Tips 2 Seniors is a much needed resource for seniors selecting senior housing options and making smooth transitions later in life, for yourself or your aging parents. I am Diane Masson and I have helped my mom move through Independent Living, Assisted Living and Skilled Nursing through a Continuing Care Retirement Community.
I’ve taken my experience and inside secrets from working in the industry for 16 years and put on weekly seminars for seniors and now shared them all in a priceless and easy to understand book. This site is for you the Silver Tsunami. You can subscribe to my weekly newsletter to the right and take a look through the helpful articles below to help you navigate your senior housing options.
Tips 2 Seniors Blog
with Author: Diane Masson
As My Mom Declines Should I Give Up On Her Walking?
My mom is 91 years old and has vascular dementia. She has slowly declined over the last nine years. Through my research, I can assume she is in one of the last two stages of dementia (there are seven). My mom has been in skilled nursing care for the last 9½ months and needs 100% assistance. The last thing that she could do on her own was feed herself. Now she has dramatically declined in the last month and even needs assistance with eating. She is still a good eater, but does not have the cognition to eat on her own. It is too much work for her. Her short-term memory seems like it has decreased to about one-second. Antipsychotic medications have reduced the amount and the intensity of her delusions, anxiety, crying and irritability. There have been medications added, increased and decreased in the last four months. It has been a balancing act to try to improve the quality of her emotions and cognition without having her become lethargic. Now my mom’s memory loss has affected her ability to walk. At the last care conference meeting, we discussed the quality of her life and whether it is a good idea to try to make someone walk or not. It takes constant encouragement to get her walking and she keeps trying to sit down. I have advocated for the caregivers to keep trying to walk her daily. They never make her, but lots of encouragement can produce a walk to breakfast or lunch. By dinnertime, my mom’s Sundowners Syndrome with anxiety and crying make it impossible to walk her....
Moving A Lifetime of Memories (Part 2)
Easiest move ever? Yes!!! It was a picture perfect move thanks to a senior friendly company called Helping Hands in California. They literally pulled out their smart phones and snapped “before pictures.” Then in the new home each mover referenced their smart phones to recreate a room, a bookcase or any area that had knick-knacks. Moving a Lifetime of Memories (Part 1) is about my decision to hire a senior moving company. An army of men arrived at 9:00 AM and the move went so fast. The same person that packed up the kitchen unpacked and organized the kitchen in our new home. This one fact alone was awesome and took tremendous stress off of me. The same mover that packed up the bathroom reorganized it in the new bathroom. It was amazing. Here is the completion level of each room on the day of the move: The kitchen is 100% done (just need to buy groceries and we are ready to cook). Living room is 100% done (including pictures on the wall). Dining room is 100% done (including pictures on the wall). The master bath is 100% done (everything is in it’s place). Office/music room is 95% done (books on the book shelves, pictures hung and still need to rightsize the closets a bit more). Coat and towel closet are 100% done. Master bedroom is 90% done (still need to reorganize the clothes hanging in the closet, buy two lamps and figure out what pictures to hang). Second bathroom is 0% done (only two boxes to unpack, because our two cats were crated in this room during the...
Moving a Lifetime of Memories (Part 1)
Eight months ago, I shared the journey of moving my mom 1000 miles to live in a skilled nursing community near me. Now, here is my journey of walking in a prospective senior resident’s shoes and moving – TODAY! What’s it like for a senior to move 30, 40 or 50 years worth of memories? Is it unsettling, heart wrenching, stressful and terrifying for a senior? My husband and I are moving today after living in a beautiful home for only two years and it feels disruptive, daunting and time consuming. Who likes moving? It’s anticipating or dreading that I will have temporarily or permanent lost items for months. Plus it can take months to settle in, hang pictures on the wall and start to feel like OUR home. Most people do not like change. It ‘s easier to just stay where you are and keep the status quo. Well, since we have to move, I decided to try a new method that we recommend to our clients at a Continuing Care Retirement Community called Freedom Village. I hired a senior moving company, who will literally take our pictures off the wall, pack all our belongings, move us, unpack everything and put the pictures back up on the walls. If we recommend this service to clients, why not see what it is really like ourselves? Maybe it won’t be as daunting and time consuming as when my husband and I used to hire two men and a truck? It will be a two-day move. The senior moving company called Helping Hands will take about three hours to pack us...
“Just Go in Your Diaper…”
My good friend’s mom fell on the Chicago ice in zero degree weather. She called out for help and no one answered. His mom was literally laying on the sidewalk in Chicago with a dislocated shoulder and a very bruised hip. She was lucky to have her cell phone in her pocket, but at 93 years old could not figure out how to call 911 on the flip phone. Then she was double lucky to have her wireless house phone to actually call 911 for help. So my friend flew from Seattle (Home of the famous Seahawks) to Chicago to go help his mom. What a burden for an adult child to be responsible for an aging parent who lives across the country. The mom’s doctor highly recommended a rehab community and said it was excellent. My friend checked his mom into the rehab and went back to her house to sleep. Well, the mom ended up calling him at 4:00 AM and said, “Get me out of here!” This is what happened… When the mom hit the call light to go to the bathroom, a very pregnant caregiver appeared and said, “I can’t lift you, just go in your diaper.” Later, when the mom hit the call light again for some water, another caregiver appeared and said, “You still have water left in your glass, drink that first.” Then she just walked away. In the morning, when the mom complained to the head nurse, the result was angry excuses. So the mom called her doctor and heads started to spin at the rehab. The administrator came in to...
Wouldn’t life be simpler with less stuff?
This thought stuck me today, when I saw a homeless man with nine carts of stuff. I had to take a picture of it. How could he ever move to a new location? It would be no easy feat to roll nine carts of stuff along. Prospective senior residents considering a retirement community or assisted living have to feel the same way. It is so overwhelming to think about moving years of memories and stuff. A frail senior may feel it is easier to just struggle in his or her home with navigating stairs, managing a walker, asking neighbors to transport them to medical appointments and eating TV dinners. The quality of a senior’s life in this frail condition is not good. But the flip side is they get to live amongst all their stuff. It is interesting to watch the adult Boomer children get into the mix. Some want mom or dad to continue in the family home and either can’t see or ignore the reality of the parent struggling to just eat, bathe and take medications. Other children see the danger and can’t sleep worrying for their parent’s safety and health condition. This is our reality as senior living professionals. We must never forget how hard it is to move and what a chore it is to downsize our stuff. Our compassion is what compels many seniors to move into one of our communities. Thank you for each senior that you personally helped facilitate move into a retirement or assisted living community. I believe they have a better quality of life with more nutritious food, a greater...
Mean Mom, Nice Mom and Dementia
My theory of 10 years is now officially broken. I believed that if you had a mean parent they turned nice with dementia and if you had a nice parent they would turn mean with dementia. My random sample was everyone that I have ever spoken to about this theory. Well, the tables have turned and my mom has turned mean again. Years ago, the ugly side of my mom was only exposed behind closed doors. The mental abuse for years took a tool on all my siblings and I. In fact, when they each turned 18, all of them moved to other states. I stayed to protect my dad. I figured if she took half her wrath out on me, he would only be subjected to it 50 percent of the time. In college, psychology classes opened my eyes to mental illness and depression. After my mean mom did not attend my graduation or marriage, I was done. A wonderful counselor taught me how to deal with it. When I spoke to my mom and she was mean, I would say, “I am sorry that this conversation is not going the way I hoped, I have to go now, bye.” After I did this three times, my mom’s treatment of me turned around. She has treated me well for 28 years. Now, she is in the late stages of vascular dementia. I got a call two days ago saying she is yelling and swearing at the staff. Oh boy, my nice mom is gone. Say hello, to sundowners syndrome and her living in the past of about 30...
Advocating for Mom in Care Conferences
An adult child or power of attorney plays a crucial role at a care conference. You can literally hold the pieces of the puzzle that an assisted living, skilled nursing care or memory care need in order to enhance the lifestyle of the resident. No one alive knows my mom better than me. She cannot always advocate on her own behalf, because she has vascular dementia. If I asked her, “What would you rather have for dinner, prime rib or salmon?” My mom would say, “Diane you know what I like, you decide.” Even with her dementia, she knows that I will select her favorite choices from the past. Recently, at my mom’s care conference in skilled nursing care a puzzle started to come together. My mom was having episodes of greater confusion. It might be three days in row and then she would be fine again. Was my mom’s dementia getting worse or was it something else? Would she need to start a new drug? As we were brainstorming possibilities, I remembered how lack of sleep could intensive my mom’s dementia in the past. We figured out that the bed alarm of some of her recent roommates was affecting her sleep. When she experienced less sleep, then she would have episodes of greater delusion during the day. It was an aha moment, so now they are going to focus on roommates who don’t need constant alarms going off. Hopefully my mom will improve. As a Boomer child, I have to be willing to accept that my mom’s dementia is getting worse, but maybe my advocacy can continue to...
Surprise Visit to my Mom’s Skilled Nursing Care
I can’t stop thinking about my surprise visit with my mom yesterday. I arrived Sunday afternoon about 2:30 PM to Freedom Village Healthcare Center in California. She was not in her usual places – where was she? A caregiver said, “Oh, your mom is down in the activity room.” I said to my husband Chris, “We really need to pay more attention to the activity calendar, so we don’t visit during those times. I want her to enjoy all the social times and I can visit her when nothing else is going on.” We happened upon the activity calendar and all the activities were done for the day. So what was she doing? As we turned the corner, we saw my mom’s beaming face. She was playing bingo. The caregiver smiled at me and said, “Oh, do you want to take your mom?” I said, “Absolutely not, let her enjoy herself.” It was great to see pure joy – when she said, “Bingo!” What was interesting to me was her interacting with the other residents and helping them play too. My mom has severe vascular dementia. When she speaks it is about 70% non-reality. What a great activity to really stimulate her brain. The caregiver said to me, “We decided to put on a bingo game for them, they like it and it gives them something to do.” Well, bless those two caregivers who created an unscheduled resident activity to help with the resident’s quality of life. This was a huge “Wow” for me and I can’t stop thinking about how happy my mom was. For those of you...
Is Advocacy the Answer for Assisted Living?
As a daughter with a mom in skilled nursing care, the PBS documentary entitled “Life and Death in Assisted Living” really upset me. My mom has vascular dementia and I have been her advocate for the last 7 years in assisted living. Those of you who follow my blog know that I moved my mom 1000 miles into a skilled nursing care near me – about 10 weeks ago. This transition happened because I was 100% in tune with my mom’s needs. We all know someone who had a horror story during a hospital stay. Last week one of my colleagues was shocked to walk in and find her dad in soft restraints after heart surgery. He was 82 and not coming out of the anesthesia well. The nurse said that she did not have enough staff to help him, so she had to use soft arm restraints. My colleague asked if they could please remove the restraints. She and her mom each took one arm of her dad and literally held him thrashing around all night with no sleep. Every senior or human being needs an advocate to make sure that the care they are paying thousands of dollar per month in any level of care is being provided. Trying to be a good advocate for my mom and living two states away – just about killed me. You have to have eyes on your loved one or pay someone to come in and be your eyes – particularly when they have dementia. When a senior has dementia, like my mom, they get to the point where they...
The Most Special Name in Skilled Nursing Care
What is your favorite word in the English language? It is probably your own name. When a senior gets to the point of living in assisted living or skilled nursing care – his or her memory is most likely failing. So the most magical word they can hear is their own name. Recently I was blown away at the Freedom Village Healthcare Center in California. My mom has lived there for about 2 months. When I walked down the hall with my mom, every single staff person spoke to her with a smile. They either said her first name or her last name “Mrs. Twohy.” Then they would share some encouraging statement. It was not just one or two staff. We literally ran into about 14 staff on our walk and each made my mom feel special. She smiled back at each one and it was wonderful to see her joy. After having lunch with my mom and family in the outdoor fountain courtyard, my brother was taking my mom back inside and a staff person pointed at my brother’s hat and said, “Your name is on your hat.” My brother was so surprised. It took him a moment to realize that that this person knew his last name – Twohy, because our mom lives there in skilled nursing care. So the staff not only makes my mom feel special everyday, but reach out to family members as well. Noticing “Twohy” on my brother’s hat goes above and beyond and created a real “wow” for my family. It showed me that every employee is committed to calling the residents...
Moving My Mom 1000 Miles From Assisted Living to Skilled Nursing Care (Part 3)
Up to now, it has been a tough six-week transition for my mother. Right after we moved my mom to skilled nursing care, she was announcing to those who would listen that she was kidnapped. Really?? Oh my!! This was actually the clearest thing she was saying and the rest was random scattered memories mixed with 75 – 95 percent delusions. It was very tough for me to see. But I never gave up on her clarity coming back. Tomorrow, on Monday, it will be six weeks since I moved my mom from Seattle to California. You may have missed my previous blog posts on the preparations for moving my mom because she was diagnosed with breast cancer (Part 1) and the trauma and joy of moving day itself (Part 2). It has been a tough road as a boomer daughter with a ton of paperwork, but it has a happy ending. My mom lives at a wonderful community that I represent in Lake Forest, CA. Who was the worst marketer for about three weeks? Yup, my mom!! She was announcing daily that she had not been fed breakfast. My mom was so convincing that two different department heads (who don’t work in the health care center), believed her when they walked by and tried to get her more food. I appreciate both of them always watching out for all our residents, including my mom. It turned out that my mom’s thyroid was out of whack. Now, my mother is back to her happy dementia self. Today, it was a joy to witness her having 70 percent clarity of...
Moving My Mom 1000 Miles From Assisted Living to Skilled Nursing Care (Part 2)
Organizing a move of this magnitude is a pile of paperwork combined with a daughter’s worry of every possible outcome going wrong. The long story short is it took my husband Chris and I, seven hours to move my mom with vascular dementia 1000 miles. Is it the best thing for her – yes! Did it almost kill me – yes! But there were blessings along the way including moments and memories of complete clarity that I will always treasure. I still see my mom in my minds eyes as her former mentally astute self, but now she can’t remember what she had for breakfast. Why I am moving my mom is shared in Part 1. My Mom’s Moving Day I had a 50/50 chance that she would be having a good day, when we arrived at her assisted living community for the move – it was a BAD day for her. She was anxious, hungry and wandering around for some attention. I talked to a caregiver and took her to breakfast in the dining room as my husband packed her suitcases. The goal was for her not to be stressed out about moving and we accomplished that goal. Two days before the move, we had organized her entire room and decided what we were taking, what had to be shipped separately and what was going to goodwill. She never knew, because we took turns with her. On the way back from breakfast, my mom sensed that something was up. When four people were outside her door, she asked why. They scattered and a caregiver gave the morning medications...
Moving Mom 1000 Miles – Assisted Living to Skilled Nursing
Well, it is a complicated process moving a parent from an assisted living to skilled nursing. Add 1000 miles into the equation and prepare for asking a tremendous amount of favors and help with no physical eyes on the situation. This is my story… My mom has lived in a Continuing Care Retirement Community in Seattle, WA for 15 years. For the past 7 years, she has lived in Assisted Living. Her ailments have progressed to diabetes, severe vascular dementia, incontinence and now all symptoms indicate breast cancer. Short-term memory loss and 90 years of age does not equate to any invasive procedures or surgeries. When I visit her one-day, she has no memory of my visit the next day. I could not stomach her completely alone (no children in the same state) and moving to the next level of care or a hospice community. So my husband and I decided to quickly move her to Southern, CA, before she could not travel anymore. All professionals who know my mom and I have been very supportive of this move. Here are some of things that had to be put in place for this transition: Coordinating with the assisted living team where she lives, a nurse consultant to assess her and be our eyes in another state, her doctor, a home healthcare agency to take her to the doctor, the social worker at the HMO, the skilled nursing community that she was moving to, the federal government regarding her medical insurance and a Medicare representative. The paperwork and logistics included filling out 27 pages of a Medi-Cal application, finding 22 additional documents for Medi-Cal, providing all the...What do you say to a senior living marketer who insists that this is a poor time of year to fill the building?
I say, “Bah, humbug.” Anytime can be a great time to sell senior housing, if you BELIEVE. It’s all about attitude! When family members get together during the holidays, this is when they might notice that mom or dad has really slowed down. A son or daughter might look around and see the dust bunnies collecting in the corner, the pie doesn’t quite taste the same or a parent keeps repeating himself or herself. The siblings might say, “What do we do now, mom and dad should not be on their own anymore?” A son may have flown in from across the country and only be in town for the week. They may call your assisted living or memory care community and hope that someone will direct them through this transition, so they can secure their parent before they leave in five days. Will your marketer be the compassionate educator and create an immediate solution to this adult child’s dilemma? Or will negative Nellie say, “No one wants to move during the holidays!” I know a senior living marketer who prides himself on 48-hour move-ins. This can be one of the best times of the year to fill the building, if you BELIEVE. Diane Twohy Masson is the author of “Senior Housing Marketing – How to Increase Your Occupancy and Stay Full,” available for sale at Amazon.com. For volume discount pricing or to inquire on Diane’s availability to coach and/or train your senior living marketing team – please contact Diane Twohy Masson directly at 206-853-6655 or email diane@marketing2seniors.net. Diane Twohy Masson is a seasoned senior living marketing coach with...Learn More About Senior Housing…
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